Nothing is Personal; Here’s Why
Do you want to stop taking things personally and end unnecessary suffering?
To truly see this requires both presence of mind and radical self-honesty. The reward that follows provides permission to let go and truly come home to what you really are.
The Disaster
Taking things personally is at the core of all suffering.
We might assume that taking things personally happens only once in a while. However, the more you look, you’ll find that all of your angst, irritation, resentments, sorrow, guilt, and more… only arise because you are taking something personally that isn’t personal at all.
The assumption behind taking something personally is:
“What I am experiencing is about who I am.”
And even further…
“This means I am either enough or not enough.”
The disaster—which is also a fundamental misunderstanding in the human experience — is to tie your identity to what you seem to be experiencing.
It’s So Obvious
All it takes is to look at your direct experience and be honest about what is happening.
If you look at anything that’s bothering you now or did yesterday, you’ll find a story in your mind that has taken a circumstance and decided it means something about your worth and value.
This can be tricky to see. We are masters at avoiding it.
Often, the bigger the pain, the more we want to avoid the truth. And the bigger the pain, the bigger the need for self-honesty.
You must focus on your direct experience, not what you imagine to be someone else’s. The ego loves to avoid truth by assuming it knows something about others — but it doesn’t.
Impossible Meaning
Humans, in our adorable misunderstanding, assume we experience “what happens.” But really, we experience the meaning we create.
You don’t experience what someone says — you experience your interpretation of it. And, in our search to “find ourselves,” we often interpret through a filter that asks, “what does this MEAN about me?”
This applies not just to what others say, but also to circumstances, actions, emotions, and even the thoughts that pass through your mind. You are having “an experience” and then assigning meaning to it. Your emotions respond to that meaning, not the experience itself.
The truth is: Meaning is self-created, and the meaning you experience does not exist outside of you.
We are creative beings, and part of that creativity is assigning meaning.
The false assumption that leads to suffering is believing that meaning comes from outside of you. This turns you into a victim of meaning.
Why Does This Happen?
To say it directly: as humans, we are confused about what we really are.
We assume our identity is defined by things in the world. If that were true, then we’d need the world (and others) to tell us who we are. We constantly seek to make things personal as a way of finding identity.
But what isn’t seen is that the world and others are projections of the mind.
This may seem unclear or like a leap, but the world you experience isn’t actually “out there.” You experience the meaning you give the world —y our own mental projection, just like your interpretation of what people say.
Your true identity can’t be found in the world because it isn’t found in the mind.
The Journey Home
At the core of every human desire or search is the question…
“Who am I?”
Or…
“What am I?”
We must journey through the illusions of the mind to discover that our “true Self” is not found in the mind, nor in the world.
Every person on a spiritual path has seen this to some degree. They’ve exhausted themselves in the world or in the mind and realized that what they’re truly searching for can’t be found there.
So, they seek something more authentic. This craving for something real and true is what has kept you reading this far.
What To Do About It?
Presence of mind & radical self-honesty.
The more you’re willing to see that things are not personal, the less you will take them personally.
Our compulsion to take things personally is fueled by the belief that it’s true. That’s why it’s crucial to be still and deeply question what you think is happening. You’ll see for yourself that you’re making something up that isn’t actually true.
This is surrendering to what is True, rather than fighting for what you want to be true. Something in you — the ego — desperately wants things to be personal. But when you see behind the veil of imagination, you’ll realize what you’re fighting for is simply… impossible.
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